insomnia nite

today is a real war == feel exhausted even though the war just started for 1 day ==
actually overall still ok,at least did my best,seriously no regret dy.

but..but..

haiz,i made a careless mistake and the whole marks for tat bahagian is deduct to half T_T i keep think got miss up wat thing before passup,but really no think dao lo!!!!GODDAMNIT SKALA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dunno y the graph part like so many ppl cant do well in it,sigh...hope it wont be a big effect to PA paper ba...GOD BLESS US PLEASE T_T




没有意外的，考试第一天，失眠的夜。这连续三天我有心理准备，将会消耗我一半的意志力，我等待熟睡的夜晚的来临。

p/s:考试第一天，没有你的祝福。

why want ruin my mood at this moment?why?
so u're the winner now,satisfy?do u feels happier?
nxt time dont ask me anything!!!!!!!!!!!!
you...you just make me outta control!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH




all mood gone,sleep till 11am tomorow!!!





p/s:yesterday once more

finish my organic chemistry revision..but...but...i still got a bit confused == dui,dont bother too much,throw away 1st...and i have to spend some time on my PA,cannot mengabaikan...LOL.

and i just cant forget about those chemistry thingy even if when i dreaming == my god...yea,I DREAM BOUT CHEMISTRY WHEN I SLEEP!!!those benzene ring,acid,phenol,ester,oxidation,hydrolysis all those keep pusing pusing in my mind == and i found that the more i study,the more i confused...sigh...yet，things not that hard when we dive deeper into it,though thats really got a bit confused,but the feeling of overcome it was great. =)
a short period to go to reach our exam,seems like timeless to do everything,but many thing are actually happen in a short while?isn't it? =)

and according scientist investigation,human just will only show their greatest ability when situition forced to,this called "under drastic condition" in chemistry...wahaha xD

sigh,i know sometimes doing a thing is not as easy as we talk and plan,i do experienced it myself...and not everytime i managed to concentrate on study even if on this crisis moment... *still bejeweled-ing there...LOL*

just...carry on since we choose not to leave,not to bent to the other road.

but there is always someone let us felt more depressed when we really in need of courage...they will never ever see what we giving with our heart and soul.and i thought we are close enough to have the understanding between us even if we dont need to express it?but you just same as the other outside,label us as what ur coloured eyes tell you...i think thats the difference between us,we tried to think on your behalf no matter anything,tried to understand it,but you just...well,need not to talk that much,since you will never see this.

but i getting more and more peace in this kinda thing,cause i am just too stupid enough to solve the equation we are...no angry,just wrote down some pieces of feeling.

but,in a way of losing,we did gain something...still...at least someone will know,and understand.
more than enough =)



oh ya,not to forget write down my greatest wishes to a birthday girl-xue yun,wish u all the best =) happy birthday

p/s:“怎么突然就成了这样，只在出生时哭过一次，我越慌张，却越灿烂，倒退着跑到了前方”
但前方也要有你在我靠岸的时候对我挥手，对不？

collapse

这才发现我真的很少写文章了，发觉自己已不再擅长表达感觉。很遗憾，我似乎在短短的一瞬间失去了很多东西。我分不清我究竟还在拥有，还是在失去当中。我很喜欢一个人的部落格，我觉得她很像我，从她那里可以找到我遗失的感觉。但她终究是她，我终究是我。不一样。

在逼自己的当而才会发现，意志力真的敌不过心中的恶魔，我彻底的输了。说真的，很压力。我的压力不只是来自考试，四面八方的强逼感让我倒下。我总是会突然发脾气，突然很想哭，突然很想呐喊，突然很敏感。

我需要的不只是一双耳朵，而是一双听见我心里呐喊的声音的耳朵，一双在我还没说出口就听得明白的耳朵，你有吗？我曾经有过，但你不再会听见，而我也不再说得出。

但别把我想得很复杂，我笑的时候是真心的笑；哭的时候是真心的哭。
就这么简单。

呼唤

偶然间看到一个朋友部落格里的旧文章，才发现别人早已乘着自己打照的翅膀飞向遥远的天际了，而当我看着自己，怎么好像裹足不前了？而且很多时候还不断往后退。。。很多人告诉我只要在熬多一个月就海阔天空了，这个道理你觉得我不了解吗？我真的觉得有些曾经存在过我身体里的东西消息了，找不到了。我的确是在蜕变，但我不确定这是不是往返方向？很疑惑，也很后悔。最近的日子，我好像会为任何做过的事感到后悔，都会质疑自己，甚至讨厌自己。我觉得自己变成父母亲的负担了，我常常提醒自己，变得怎样都不要成为他们的负担，很遗憾，你瞧我真正让他们感到骄傲的时候是几时。。。当我越说“我可以”，就发现自己真的无能为力。我总是在为自己找借口，不断的催眠自己，不再是任何事情都难不到我的那个自己了。

弟弟告诉我：做回真正的张惠仪。

做回真正的张惠仪、做回真正的张惠仪、做回真正的张惠仪、做回真正的张惠仪。。。



p/s:to chong wai yee : keep your promise.

p/s:我也很希望偶尔也能听到你的鼓励。

bila terasa rindu

14th oct

days of wearing evil bracelets-day 1

hmmm...well,this post should be post earlier since today is already the 4th day == actually nothing special,just wanted to tell it is damn hard to eat laaaaa!!!!!!!sigh...and someone said wan belanja me eat apple wor,really treat me soooo good T_T *gam dong gam dong* LOL

and yea,i have to use kids de toothbrush from now on,cant believe leh?nvm,i also took some time to accept it,LOL...btw,i love my pokemon age 2 to 5 toothbrush vry much wei!!!cutelah...hahahaha...soft and kecik,so that wont get hurt :D Eh,dont see me like this la,is doctor's advice kay ==

beside my pokemon toothbrush,theres another toothbrush called orthodontic brush or interbrace brush,means clean areas between teeth and bracelets lo.and it isn't look like a toothbrush,but it is rather look like one of the apparatus in chemistry lab,neh,tat one clean test tube de,know?lol xD

and...and...i think my classmate will shock when see me after holiday@@ please la,dont laugh me :( LOL

oh ya,thats a song i heard it unexpectedly in The Store for few times dy,it make me miss those days deeply,if i didnt mistaken,it's every 8pm rite?ha... :D

p/s:你知道吗，那天她对我说halo,还跟我道歉因为延迟了我的appointment date。我真被她吓到了，呵呵。还有，进去之前我一直很担心被她骂。你看，我没有被骂耶！每次一想到这个就会想到你问我的事和对我说过的话，一直重复在脑海里。。。还有，你是我遇过，最好的医生了。好久不见，嗨，你好吗？=)

习惯，成自然？

突然看到弟弟写的一个篇章，
有感而发。。。

我曾经在想，
我们是不是都在忙碌间变了？
我们是不是都在川流不息间变了？
我们是不是在随着时光穿梭而变了？
我们是不是长大了，有能力解决所有的问题而不再需要彼此了？

我们，
是不是都变了？

原来，
我们谁都没变。
我们在忙碌间麻醉自己；
我们在川流不息间隐藏自己；
我们穿梭在时光间遗失自己；
我们在成长的过程中都想让自己逞一次英雄；

我们都只是习惯了，
我习惯了不再等候，
我习惯了收藏在心底里，
我习惯了努力去遗忘的滋味，
我习惯了在需要一双听我倾诉的耳朵时，习惯了那人不是你。
我习惯了在我越过低潮时陪我度过的人不是你，
我习惯了在应时时给我勇气和力量的人不是你，
我习惯了在我坏心情时逗我微笑的人不是你，

哪怕是生命中不再有对方的彼影都已成了习惯。







我想我能够放弃的原因一半是我习惯了那个人不是你。





但我偶尔也发现，我真的很怀念那些日子。